by Monique Daniel

Family recipe:
Makes one large Disaster
Prep Time: 206 yrs 8 mos (9 generations)
Cooking Time: 22 yrs
Ingredients
1 Futter Family Lineage featuring 9 Key Relatives (steeped in Settler Stock)
1 Post-Napoleonic War package (aged approx. 15 years)
1 block Evangelical Fervour
Dash of Baptismal Water
Fear of Hellfire to taste (generic name: fear mongering)
22kg Shame and Guilt mixed packet
Assortment of Survival Skills Through Cognitive Dissonance (the 4 years of edition)
2 tbsp Self-Love Oil
1 large dose of Desire for Change
A dozen Cans of Worms

Directions
Start by sieving the Futter Family Lineage into a mixing bowl, to filter out the 17 Key Relatives from the rest of the stock. Fold in the Post-Napoleonic War Package. Shred the Evangelical Fervour and beat aggressively into the mixture. Moisten with a dash of Baptismal Water and season with Fear of Hellfire to taste. Allow to settle for 9 generations.

Chop Shame and Guilt (if not precut in the packet) and soak in a bowl with Survival Skills Through Cognitive Dissonance. Mash with a fork until well combined. Whisk in the Self-Love Oil and bring to the boil, gradually adding generous handfuls of Desire for Change. Pour over the Futter Family mixture and bake until done (approximately 22 years).
Open the Cans of Worms and serve alongside as a dipping sauce.
Serving suggestion: Best served with friends and not at family gatherings.